Flowerpot

It was a bright and sunny afternoon. This was perfect for the kind of plotting that was occurring in various locations all across the British isles. Though these weren’t dark plots, they were defined by a class of expedience which would have a hardened killer furrowing their eyebrows in concern, and at best they could have been called sufficiently moral.

Dark and rainy weather, while shallowly appropriate, would not have provided the obligatory ironic twist.

Take for example the Malfoy family, well known for their dark proclivities.

“We aren’t really dark, dear,” a very attractive Mrs. Malfoy was telling her son Draco. At this point we must, as is traditional, interrupt the dear woman to describe just how attractive she was in irrelevant and uncomfortable detail. Her hair is near the platinum blonde of a Veela, but not quite as sexy because there must be some room for escalation. Her face is some degree of immaculate. Any artist would weep in attempting to do her luscious, nay even curvy, curves justice, undiminished as they are by her age...

The above paragraph will now be cut short for the convenience of the reader, as it is also tradition to skip such authorial fantasizing as soon as it has been identified. “We aren’t really dark,” Mrs. Malfoy was saying to Draco, “but these kinds of expectations must be met. Do you remember the plan?”

Draco, an eleven year old, nodded his head with well practiced gravitas. “I will gather the scions of the dark families under me, so that our glorious family name might rise in power beyond all others. To this end I shall ingratiate myself with them by means of words, gifts and favors,” he began, “as well as identifying and befriending key figures and magical prodigees,” he continued, speaking of his also eleven-year-old classmates, “which I will subtly guide into alignment with the interests of house Malfoy, these being -”

As their son recited, Mrs. Malfoy shared a proud look with her husband, and when the speech was over she lovingly patted her son’s cheek. “Perfect, dear. Now I won’t ask you to recite the names of every family, their members and political leanings, and their recent political movements again. We know you’ve memorized them by now, and we’re very proud of you.”

Draco was completely unaffected by their show of love because he was an independent young man who’d been disillusioned by the reality of his world at an early age. He knew that his parents only wanted to use him to their own ends. They’d be so surprised, he smiled to himself, when he’d built his empire and they thanked him only for him to throw off the yoke of their vile oppression and seize the fruits of his labor for himself.

Yes, Draco thought, the future was his to mould as he pleased.

Meanwhile, at the other end of the luminosity scale, the Weasley family was holding a conference of their own...

I had some short dialogues or trialogues written up as kind of flavor text for various characters. Please don't judge me too much for the smart ass comments, I kinda got too into it. It was fun, and I was young. Also it seems to be the nature of these things that anyone writing it ends up very far up their own butt. First line is always the character in question talking.(edited)

• Daphne Greengrass: why me? Because we need a token attractive witch. We’re not even adults! Not adults yet. Don’t be a creep, Draco. That’s what you think is creepy about this whole situation?

• Blaise Zabini: I see you’ve recognized the power of the dark – No no, we just need someone with a cool name. A cool name? I think that’s why, I’m not entirely sure myself.

• Harry Potter: (the only one who isn’t darkindy and wins hearts by this) Hey draco my friend. :D :D There’s no way he’s that oblivious, right? Right?? Impossible, I must tutor him and bring him up to speed! He’s so cute though look at his EmErALd oRbS eeee- Shut up, Daphne!

• Hermione Granger: behold the power of muggle science! That is a… mechanical pen? How do you know what this is? They don’t work for us you fool, ink is too processed to conduct magic. That is an agenda pushed by the purebloods! This again?

• Luna Lovegood: Nice underwear, I like red. What? How? Why? Oh, I know everything about everything, don’t you know? I just act airheaded and ignore it all. I don’t know what to say to that. That’s the plan. I’ve been blessed by the goddess frumpdinggery to cause maximum confusion you know. Also, you’ve got digglets in your nose or something.

• Edgar Monroe Hi. Who the hell are you? Edgar Monroe. Never heard of you, why are you important? Do you know how statistically improbable it is that every important person is a known character? That’s because we reinterpret canon characters rather than making up bullshit OC! There’s a truckload of unused characters, why do you feel the need to show up? You raise a good point. Usually because I’d increase the number of females available for a harem, but everyone else was busy so you got me. (Daphne from the off:) We’re not even adults! (Draco:) Not adults yet, Daphne! (Edgar:) Am I supposed to be uncomfortable about this? I’m not comfortable with this. (Draco:) Shut up mudblood.

I kinda regret putting this here, feels rather exposing.